Thursday.

So at the risk of sounding Bipolar (in light of Tuesday's post) , I'm feeling really sad tonight.

Two young boys that I really love and that have had a really hard life had a particularly awful day. I'm not sure how many times they should have to see someone who is supposed to take care of them carried off in handcuffs. I'm pretty sure the answer is zero. I want someone to take care of my young friends but it just looks like the world has failed them yet again. Tonight, my prayer for them is song lyrics:

When the night seems so long (throw your hands to the sky)

You can sing a new song (wipe the tears from your eyes)

When you're weak, He is strong

He can heal your wounded soul

And calm the storm inside

("With Every Breath" Leigh Nash & Dan Haseltine)

Pray for my little friends, please.

A Numbers Game

So I was reading one of my new favorite blogs (thegoblinonline.net) and I came across this great post about numbers. I'm having a good, joyful day. I'm glad for the lengthening day and the warmer temperatures and these numbers expressed my feelings better than I could. So, I'm abridging it a bit and I'm giving it to you:

• There are 8.4 million combinations that DNA from two people can create. I'm pretty glad with the combination your parents and mine came up with.
• Each letter in the Hebrew alphabet has a numerical value. Therefore, every word has a numerical value. The numerical value of the Hebrew word Chai, meaning "life," is 18. This is significant, according to rabbinic tradition, because 18 is also the number of vertebrae which bend before God when we pray.
• Scientists estimate that there are nine galaxies for everyone alive today. Each galaxy contains at least 100 billion stars.
• There are 400 billion suns in the Milky Way - or 69 suns for every person alive today. I like the one we got.

So take your galaxies, your suns, your vertebrae, and your DNA and appreciate the combinations we have. It's a good day.

Really.

Do you ever feel like you are working so hard at being super-Christian and you aren't getting anything back in return? Geez, I wrote the book on this a few years ago. I constantly questioned myself, is it worth it? I'm not going to lie, I thought I was a hero of the faith, a martyr for all of Christiandom. I thought maybe if I did all the right things, acted the right way, stood up for all the right causes, then God would reward me. Of course, my view of this reward was money, a good-looking boyfriend, etc. You get the picture. I wavered between being proud of my super-Christian act (and yes, it was mostly an act) and being jealous of the people who were having fun. What I really had was a huge case of pride, and it was about to kill me. I was doing all the right things for all the wrong reasons. (This is not to say that everything I did was selfishly motivated, but a good bit was.)

Over time, I realized that my heart was poisoned. This is not how it is supposed to be. I was not saved to be proud of myself for doing the right things. Sometimes its the people who look like they have it all together who are screwed up the worst. I should honor God because I love Him, not because He loves me and I want other people to love me too. I had it all backwards. Why should I be angry or jealous of someone who didn't even know God? Psalm 73 helped me get the whole jealousy issue under control.

Psalm 73:13- The psalmist is thinking that all his hard work at being what God asks is in vain. He's tired of being the "good guy" all the time. Especially when it seems like everyone else is being rewarded for their lifestyle. Later in the Psalm he realizes he's been a fool. He says he was "senseless and ignorant... like a beast before You." He realizes that he is continually with God and that there is no higher desire on earth than to be with God.

Maybe you're like me, thinking you've got it all together and you're angry because you don't seem to be getting what you deserve. Newsflash: you probably don't have it all together and you don't deserve anything. Maybe you're my opposite, and you hate the people who act like they have all the answers. We're idiots, but don't hate us. We're trying.

Brother's Keeper

Monday you all got out of school for Martin Luther King, Jr. day. I hope you enjoyed your break and got all rested up from this weekend. When we think about MLK, we automatically associate him with his work in tearing down racial barriers and building bridges between Americans. Today I want you to consider another aspect of King's speeches that are, perhaps, more relevant today than ever.

While speaking about the Good Samaritan parable, King discusses the Jericho Road on which the injured man had been traveling, he writes:

"In the final analysis, I must not ignore the wounded man on life's Jericho road, because he is part of me and I am part of him. His agony diminishes me and his salvation enlarges me."

On the Ski Trip, my small group and I discussed how God was with the marginalized, the poor, those suffering through injustice. We are called to be with those people. By working with them, we will see God. If you aren't part of the solution, you're part of the problem

King is right, we are all connected. My story is part of your story. The hungry kid downtown is part of your story too. Your story is part of God's story. And you are your brother's keeper.

church

I love church. I've always liked going. I love the stained glass and the music and the funny, weird pictures of Bible scenes that come with Sunday school literature. I was thinking about all this while I was in class today because one of my professors asked this question-

Why can't we make church all it can and should be?

And so, I want to ask you, what is your favorite thing about church? What makes you want to go and what makes you not want to go? What frustrates you about church? What makes it worth it?

"I rejoiced with those who said to me, "Let us go into the house of the Lord." (Psalm 122:1)

puzzled.

I am a procrastinator rock star. I firmly believe in putting off what can be done later. (I know that's bad- this isn't an advice column; don't judge me!) Anyway, here's where I'm going with this: I also put off doing everything I know I'm supposed to do to enrich my relationship with God.

It's so much easier to avoid reading my Bible until, say, I get a new devotional book... or avoid praying or spending silent time with God until the 30 seconds before I fall asleep... why ask someone to truly hold me accountable when it's so much easier just to handle my spirituality on my own? (these aren't good excuses anymore)

The point here is, that I think we all are silently waiting for some piece of the Jesus puzzle to fall into place in our lives. We're twiddling our thumbs waiting for the next post-retreat spiritual high because we've convinced ourselves that only that is how we will grow closer to Christ. It's a cycle of destruction and procrastination. We refuse to do the heavy lifting that is required for a relationship to work.

But then I read 2 Peter 1:3, which says "His divine power has given us everything we need for a godly life through our knowledge of him who called us by his own glory and goodness."

Yes, that's right, "everything we need." Turns out that I already have the last piece of the puzzle. I think maybe it's just fallen under the table or maybe we forgot to take it out of the box, but that last piece is floating around here somewhere. We have it. Let's stop wasting our time waiting and just work on the puzzle, okay?

the voting booths are closed for the night...

In honor of the presidential primaries kicking into high gear, I offer to you a more political post. That is, in the form of some song lyrics that I'm particularly fond of. This is "A King and a Kingdom" by Derek Webb, for the record:

"Who's your brother, who's your sister? You just walked passed him; I think you missed her. As we're all migrating to a place where our Father lives, because we've married into a family of immigrants.

My first allegiance is not to a flag, a country, or a man. My first allegiance is not to democracy or blood. It's to a King and a Kingdom.

There are two great lies that I’ve heard:“The day you eat of the fruit of that tree, you will not surely die,” and that Jesus Christ was a white, middle-class Republican and if you wanna be saved you have to learn to be like Him."

I like this. I like Derek Webb in general, actually, but the first time I heard this, I just couldn't suppress a smile. He's right, you know, my first citizenship is to the Kingdom of God, not America. I think we forget that, and it speaks right to the idea of our Christian identity. Who are we first?

Furthermore, there's just a lot here to unpack- the not-so-subtle reminder that as Christians we are on a journey, as well as the reminder that Jesus isn't just like us (or anyone, actually).

Thoughts?

stop.

So the official Life, Honestly holiday is over and I'm back to work. Tonight I'd like to talk about something that might be a bit touchy for all of us... our idea of success. As Americans, we are taught (consciously or sub-consciously) that we ought to be seeking money, fame, attention. And if you tell me that you don't want those things, I'm not going to believe you. We all do. We all dream about being a famous author, musician, athlete, something.

I realize that you've heard this whole spiel before, but I want to ask you- For what are you working so hard? So many of you have told me how stressed out you are about school and sports and juggling your frenetic life with church activities and friends. Why are you working so hard? What are you trying to achieve?

Please don't ever tell me that you don't have time to serve God. I'm not asking you to be a martyr for Trinity Baptist Church, I'm asking you to live your life like God intended. Jeremiah 29:11 tells us that God has plans for us, plans for prosperity, a hope, and a future. While that might include an awesome job and lots of money, I think it means a relationship. A relationship with Him. So often we think that verse means that God is making promises about us paying our bills and getting in to college. But read the context. Jeremiah 29:10-14 is about a relationship with God, not materialism.

There is nothing, nothing you can be doing that is more important than growing intimate with God. To be perfectly honest with you, I'm not good at this either. At all, actually. Taking time for God is something that I really struggle with.

And so, right this minute I'm telling you (and myself) something that God has laid on my heart. We are free from living up to someone else's ideas of success. We are free even from our own ideas of success. You don't have to take AP classes or score points or even be beautiful.

Stop seeking what cannot be attained.